A nice awkward chat about “Shy Bladder Syndrome”
Remembering Tom Geyer
By Chuck Wiser, I write the words to share what my eyes see and my heart feels
Today’s topic is one that I’ve been thinking about for several weeks now, vacillating between going public with it or just forgetting about it. Recently I drafted up notes on the topic and forwarded my thoughts to owner/editor Andrew Harris, asking him to review, consider them and advise whether it was an appropriate topic or not. The formal name given to the issue that I wish to address is Paruresis, or in non-technical terms Shy Bladder.
While this is a serious topic, and I will be citing some concerning statistics and basic information, I feel that mixing in a little humor, which helps me to see the lighter side of the issue, will help with my confession, and help others to deal with this most likely lifelong affliction. It’s probably too late for many, but they cite strategies and techniques that may help. Most of my encounters and experiences dealing with this issue lend themselves to the often-comedic experiences that beset those of us afflicted with this.
It is a very personal issue and people shy away from discussing it publicly. My weeks long thoughts about it, came to life when I was sitting in the exam room at Arnot Ogden Medical Facility recently going through the pre-operative process prior to a surgery that I will undergo Wednesday, March 20th. When the Nurse asked for a urine specimen, I had forgotten my pre-prepped donation leaving it in the truck and I would have to run out and get it. When I came back, I handed her the vial, and told her to keep it, as I had no further use for it. At that point in time, I explained to her that I was prone to the shy bladder syndrome. After my explanation she said that it was very common, many people are burdened with it, and felt the same as I did. I shared with her that I write a weekly column for the Wellsville Sun and for several weeks had contemplated writing about my problem. She immediately, and forcefully, advised that: “You have to follow your inclination and intention, and by all means to write the article.” She followed with: “It would be a public service, and, that I would be speaking for many more people than I realized.
Andrew Harris told me I’d better write about it and could un-shyly use his name as he has suffered this and its effects for an entire lifetime. How can I not write about this issue with the encouragement and backing from a pre-operative nurse and the owner/editor of The Sun(s).
20,000,000 people, or roughly 6% of the country’s population confront this “social phobia,” ranking 2nd only to the fear of public speaking. Paruresis (shy bladder) is often first experienced in public school, where daylong exposure to larger groups of people exists. The problem, and it can be just that, very often leads to very discomforting situations, and it usually begins with a person’s grade school attendance. Nearly every one of those 20,000,000 people feel that they’re the only ones that are affected by this phobia. This often affects your mental, physical, or emotional stability. While the causation is mental, the bodily mechanics can be extremely physical causing stress, embarrassment, emotional stability, and perhaps, the worst characteristic, that being pain. Take my word for it. The pain from “holding it” can be excruciating.
Attending an afternoon Buffalo Bills game decades ago started out by having a beer in the car (which I wasn’t driving) on the way to the game; then consuming more at the game. An attempt to visit the men’s room found the waiting line to get into the bathroom longer than the entire next quarter. As we headed homeward, cramped three abreast in the back seat, my discomfort and pain got to the point where I had to plead with the driver to pull over in an area secluded enough for me to get a little privacy.
Sensitivity alert: I’m about to use some graphic, somewhat crude terminology, as it’s easier to use the men’s “P word” than to keep writing urinating. The emotional and mental stress, and physical mechanics of shy bladder syndrome leads to a physical reaction that exacerbates the problem, and that is pain. Andrew gave me some leeway to use a little poetic license with some descriptive words and terms that are commonplace. Actually, I think he said he’d be pissed if I didn’t.
The physical problem is described in this resource document statement: The urinary sphincter must be relaxed for urine to flow from the bladder down the urethra. Shy Bladder is caused by: “Anxiety about urinating which overstimulates the person’s nervous system and ‘clamps’ the sphincter shut. Failure to urinate heightens the person’s anxiety, particularly if the bladder is uncomfortably full.” I say Amen to that!
Last week I wrote about “Wonder.” This week I’m wondering how they ever came up with the formal, or informal name of peeing, for this natural animal kingdom bodily activity, and the product therefrom as being pee, or piss.
The word Piss is defined: “to urinate, discharge the fluid secreted by the kidneys and stored in the urinary bladder,” 1300, pissen, from Old French pissier “urinate.”
The word Pee derives from the word piss and is described in 1788, “to spray with urine” (trans.), euphemistic abbreviation of piss. Meaning “to urinate” is from 1879.
Enough with the technicalities and awkward terms not usually discussed in public, but more likely used in threats or admonishments like: “You piss me off,” or “Your mom will be pissed if she finds out you were writing about this. I will now delve into a few uncomfortable or downright embarrassments related to shy bladder syndrome. I will then end this writing on a lighter note quoting some of Tom Geyer’s famous, among the Family of Three, statements.
My earliest experiences and recollection thereof are from my public-school awareness of the problems. I don’t recall any early school day problems although I did “have an accident” while enrolled in the second grade at Richburg Central School. Later, during afterschool sporting activities, I would find an excuse to go the “boys’ room” while everyone else was still on the field practicing, to get the solitary privacy needed. If this was not possible I would either “hold it” or go into the stall and close and lock the door. In the formal medical explanations, it describes that the noise of the process, heard by others was often what triggered the blocking. One way of minimizing the noise was to sit down. I made the mistake one time in confessing to a friend that I sometimes had to sit down to “take a leak” and his very un-sympathetic reaction was to say: “You mean you have to squat to pee?” And they wonder why humiliation is the crux of the problem.
Over the years I found ways to cope with the problem and looking back, I can now smile about it. When discussing this problem during “guy talk,” Having been asked why I went so far into the woods sometimes, to “take a leak” I was occasionally, also asked; “How could you pass the physical exam required to join the Navy if you are shy about standing side by side, elbow to elbow with other “boot camp sailors” giving a urine specimen.
“Easy,” I would reply: With the donation from the guy on my left into my specimen bottle I got in the Navy. With the donation from the guy on my right, I got out of the Navy.
I will add at this point that I always say that I don’t drink water because I don’t like it. Probably an excuse as what goes in must come out. I used to drink large quantities of beer. Sufficient consumption of beer negates shy bladder problems…sometimes. Others, not so much.
If I’m alone or can get in and out of a bathroom unaccompanied by well meaning “buddies,” then relax enough, I can “go.” If, however, someone comes waltzing in before I start or during, it locks me up. My good friend Clark Perry, may he rest in peace, used to come right up, and stand beside me if I were to try and sneak into the woods if we were out golfing. Contrasting to that, another acquaintance of mine, once a frequent golfing partner, could go out into the middle of the golf course even if all he had to stand behind was a fence post. Occasionally the wrong kind of unsympathetic golfing partner seeing me go into the woods, knowing my problem, would lob rocks over near me just from the enjoyment it gave him, and the discomfort it gave me. I think this was the same guy I mentioned earlier.
Following one of my many surgeries I was housed at the Olean General Hotel. I was paired with a roommate and the first time I went into the single person bathroom he came barging in. I’m not sure why, as it was obvious where I would be if I wasn’t in my bed. After that episode I went to the nursing supervisor to discuss the problem. I never knew before that day that there was a known medical condition, and it was called “Shy Bladder Syndrome.” She educated me about it and agreed to giving me a private room. It is against regulations to have a bathroom door that locks.
Given my inability to “produce on demand” I have two common remedies when confronted with Dr. office visits or hospital stays. I find that every single healthcare person I have ever dealt with, now that I know what to have done or to avoid, has been extremely understanding, and supportive. BTW, that “produce on demand” phrase came from the pre-admittance nurse Shelly, at Arnot Ogden the other day. I won’t get any more specific regarding my options when confronted with a hospital stay.
My good friend Tom Geyer, whose picture I chose and added to my heading, was the epitome of old-time sayings. Oddly enough many of them involved bodily functions, or at least jokes about them. A heavy rainfall, unfailingly invited his comments; Among them were “It’s raining like piss pouring out of a boot”; or “The rain is falling like a cow pissing on a flat rock.” Another variation of that adds “…on a windy day.”
There are many old time terms and sayings involving usually negative reactions like; “I’m pissed off”; “We were piss poor”; “Quit pissin around”; “Don’t piss into the wind”; “I’m not going to get into a pissin contest with you”; “Don’t piss away your money”; “I’m in a pissy mood”; “They’re so poor they don’t have a pot to piss in”. “Life’s too short to be pissed off”; “He’s full of piss and vinegar”; “Go piss up a rope”; “That beer tastes like Kangaroo piss.”; and lastly, “I have to piss like a racehorse,” and end with that to seek relief.
And I’ll now sign off for this issue and will be back with you in a couple of weeks.
Again, I offer my address for your comments, cares, or concerns or just to say hi, or ask me to look into something for you or investigate its source. Contact me at IM.Wiserdad@gmail.com. Thanks to David and Sally for their kind words having read last week’s Wramblings. Special belated thanks to Thomas G. Geyer for making me smile every time I think about some of his sayings. RIP Tom. I’m adding this Poem written about Tom at the time of his leaving this earth to take his wit with him and I imagine that the angels now appreciate his colorful quips.
Following is the poem I eulogized Tom Geyer with.
Tomes From Tom
“It was one of those dark nights” a friend once had said
And we all in wonder, just shook our heads.
But Tom said to us, “I can understand that”,
“It was as dark as it is, inside of your hat.”
Tom was quite frugal and reluctant to spend
And not always first to buy drinks for a friend.
But if paybacks and favors ever came due,
His reply would oft be, “I’d rather owe you, than cheat you.”
Tom had a way of expressing things well
And weather would often be where thoughts would dwell.
With inclement weather his thoughts would take root
And when rain was falling, “like pee, pouring out of a boot”
The rains in Spain may fall on the plain
But in Tom’s mind it was with ease he’d explain,
The splatters of rain not just in one spot
But rather “from a cow peeing on a flat rock”
Bodily functions would oft take their part
When his mouth was as “dry as a popcorn fart”
And if gas was to escape in rather bad luck
He would quickly exclaim, “who stepped on that duck?”
